From the moment the family holiday was announced a few months back, I was excited. We hadn’t been abroad in 6 years, and I couldn’t wait for the sun and all inclusive food and drinks (there were free slushies… best holiday ever!). The only problem? I’m terrified of flying.
This may stem from the fact that a few days before my first ever plane journey, one of my teachers showed us a slide show of crashed and deaded planes… So yeah, I’m not a great flyer. Anyway, after having a fantastic holiday a cold, tired and grumpy me sat on the plane home, writing down everything wrong with flying. Here are my top few rants, enjoy 😉
1. I’m 91% sure I’m going to die.
We’ve all heard the stories; terrorist attacks, emergency landings gone wrong, a disembodied left phalange. One of the airlines even lost an entire plane!!! I get nervous okay? So sue me!
2. Screaming Kids
Okay, this is probably on everyone’s list, but its just so bloody annoying. I get that the parents can’t do anything, and that babies cry uncontrollably, but man alive does my sympathy go when you have to listen to it for 4 hours straight. It makes me want to scream and cry too…
3. It’s Flippin’ Freezing
They have taken air con to a whole new level. I don’t even know why they need air con, there is frost on the glass, that’s how cold it is already!!!!! I’ve gone on holiday to a hot country, so no, I did not pack jeans and woolly jumper, so I’m in shorts and a vest top, but do they have blankets to give out? No. But its okay, you can buy a comforter for £5…
4. Why So High?
Why do we have to fly so high? Yes, its all about air pressure and sciencey things… and we probably wouldn’t appreciate planes flying right over our houses every hour of the day… but it would make me feel so much better about emergency landings.
5. Why Do the Emergency Slides Have to Look so Cool?
Dilemma: I really want to use the inflatable slides that eject from the sides of planes if you crash into water etc… but to use them, you have to crash land first… Why can’t we just use the inflatable slides on departure? It would make me feel a lot happier about flying…
6. When You Can Smell the Food Trolley, But the Hostesses are Taking Ages to Get it Down the Isle
This applies to restaurants too. There is no greater torture in this world than knowing that bacon sandwich is within reaching distance, but knowing that all you can do is watch other people eat whilst you wait to order.
7. These Kids are Still Screaming
As I make notes for this very blog post, the same kids are still crying and screaming. I can hear them through my iPod. I actually turned round to tell one off for kicking the back of my chair… but it turns out that douche is actually a fully grown adult instead.
8. I’ve Just Discovered How Appalling My Handwriting is
Not having my laptop, I’ve been using good old fashioned pen and paper to write these notes, ready for typing up later, and it appears my hand has forgotten how to write. The letters are all different sizes and small and squished together. As an art student, I am appalled. Sigh.
And after all that I leave you with this thought…
Happy flying everyone!!!